Beyond Friday

Good Evening, Master Wayne

Ever since I was a kid, Batman has been my favorite superhero.  Superman was too cheesy.  The Hulk, too moody.  Batman just seemed the most believable.  He was an ordinary guy who decided to fight injustice on his own terms.  No ultra-super powers, gamma rays, or radioactive spider bites.  All he had was the Batmobile; an array of cool, Bat-shaped gadgets; a loyal butler named Alfred who apparently had no life or hobbies of his own; and a utility belt that would've made MacGyver drool at the mouth.  What isn't believable about any of that?

I recently re-watched The Dark Knight on DVD, and with the exception of Heath Ledger's performance as The Joker, the movie itself is mediocre at best.  The movie does, however, attempt to illustrate what I feel is the most intriguing aspect of the Batman character, namely, the constant identity struggle between Bruce Wayne and Batman.  Is Bruce Wayne posing as Batman, or is Batman posing as Bruce Wayne?  Which identity is real and which is the alter ego?  If Bruce Wayne is "real," then he's just a millionaire playboy whose role as Batman gets in his way of having a good time.  On the other hand, if Batman is "real," then he has somehow managed to master his creator in the pursuit of a higher calling.  Personally, I'd much rather believe the latter scenario, if only because of the irony -- man creates alter ego, man is engrossed by alter ego, man becomes the real-life alter ego of the alter ego.

(Wow.  Ladies and gentlemen, that's pure beauty.  My college literature professor would be proud.)

The truth is, I'm not sure we can ever truly know the answer, and maybe it's better that way.  What I do know is that I mention all of this only because it's the most accurate way to describe my law school experience thus far.  Before I started, I lived what I considered my real life, my "Bruce Wayne," if you will.  I expected law school to be my "Batman," something I did for several hours a day before I shelved it and returned to my real life.  But after nearly seven months of this, the boundaries separating the two have blurred.  I spend more time on campus than I do at home, more time with my classmates than my own family, and more time with casebooks than my G.I. Joe action figures.  Am I a guy who happens to be in law school?  Or am I a full-time law student who happens to sleep off-campus?  I'm not sure.

It might sound like I just jumped into a bottomless pool of self-pity, but I'm honestly not complaining.  I'm glad I entered law school.  (I think I just threw up in my mouth after writing that.)  It's just a little weird to witness your own transformation from Regular Guy, who still leaves the house wearing mismatched socks, to little Legal Beagle, who can't walk past a puddle on the ground without thinking about whether the property owner has constructive notice and would therefore be subject to liability for negligence.

Bizarre.  Truly bizarre ...

Anyhow, so long as I'm losing my soul to the legal profession, I wonder how far I can take this Batman analogy.  Will my law office be my Batcave?  My obligatory black Mercedes coupe, my Batmobile?  My yellow legal pad, my yellow utility belt?  What if I name my future legal assistant "Alfred," regardless of his/her gender or age?

These are the things I think about.  It's sad, I know.

Welcome to law school, where dreams are lost and sleep is a fairy tale.

Corporate Masterminds

I was never great at math, but I know good math when I see it.  Here's a mathemetical formula whose sheer genius rivals that of Einstein's E = mc²:

Bad Economy + Law School = Broke and Pathetic (aka Chris Brown's career in 12 months)

As I write this sentence, I am in the throes of my first year of law school.  Since I'm not allowed to work at all during my first year and since my money tree has wilted due to the drought, I have been forced to live as cheaply as possible.  This, of course, is much easier said than done, given my penchant for designer handbags and Jimmy Choo's.  Thus, I have resorted to the oh-so-fun practice of coupon clipping.  It's amazing how much $ can be saved with a few squares of newsprint!  (That was my Martha Stewart impression.  Bad, I know.)

The problem -- and the reason for my rant -- is that inevitably one who employs the use of coupons will run into a coupon that is utterly useless.  Why?  Because the corporate masterminds behind the coupon have fashioned it so that it is darn near impossible for its conditions to be met.

Take, for instance, a coupon I recently found for a well-known breakfast joint.  (Cleverly, I will not divulge the restaurant's name but will only disclose the fact that it rhymes with the word "eye-hop.")  The coupon reads as follows:

FREE MEAL, Purchase any breafast entree and two beverages from our regular menu and receive a second breakfast entree of equal or lesser value FREE (up to a $8 value).

Valid M - F (excluding holidays), Dine-in only, Not valid with any other discounts, specials, items from the Senior or Kids menus.

On its face, not a bad deal ... iiiiiif ...

• You've got weekdays free (because who doesn't?);
• You're over the age of 13 but below 65;
• You only order from the regular menu and not the "special" menu (of course, anything edible is on the "special" menu);
• Your entree doesn't exceed $8 (it's 2009, not 1936 for cryin' out loud);
• You order 2 drinks (corporate speak for "bring a friend!");
• You have 12 fingers;
• Your name is HIUERD:LFJSI; and
• You actually think, for some ungodly reason, that the Benjamin Button movie deserved 13 Oscar nominations.

To compound my dilemma, this particular coupon expired "2/6/09."  When did I try to use it?

2/7/09 ... of course ...

I realize that my attempt to use the coupon after it expired essentially negates everything I just wrote because it really isn't Eye-Hop's fault.

It's mine.

The bottom line, though, is that I didn't get my free breakfast that day, and to make matters worse, I just found out my class this Friday won't be cancelled after all.  There's only so much disappointment a man can take.

But you know what?  Joke's still on them because I'm hanging onto this coupon until February 2109.

Bet those corporate masterminds didn't see that one coming.

Playtime's Over

Yo ...

Since my last entry, I've completed orientation week and (to the world's surprise) my first week of classes.  I was hoping to squeeze an entry somewhere in between all of that, but for some reason my professors keep assigning homework.  Don't they realize I lead a busy life as it is?  The last thing I need to be doing is fooling around with oversized, overpriced law books.

Anyways, rather than write aimlessly about my experiences from the last several weeks, I thought it'd be more interesting if I just compiled and answered the questions I've been asked most since school started.  Feel free to send any other questions along, as I'm sure there are probably plenty of you just dying to know the ins and outs of life as a law school student.  (The previous statement is, of course, a giant, steaming pile of horse manure -- nobody's really interested in my study schedule or the havoc that sleep deprivation has wreaked on my physical and mental being -- but I'm trying to give myself a false sense of hope here, so just humor me.)

Anyways, let's get to the questions:

Is law school really as bad as it's made out to be?

Yes and no, but more on the side of no.  Everything people have said to me about the cutthroat nature of law school -- people are shallow and self-seeking, students will tear pages out of library books to sabotage others, nobody can be trusted, etc., etc. -- has so far in my experience been completely unfounded.  Granted, I've only been here two weeks, so there's still plenty of opportunities for my classmates to turn on me.  But that seems doubtful.  Instead I've actually been surprised at how nice everyone has acted towards each other.

As far as law school's notoriously crazy workload, it's true, it's absolutely horrible.  (Actually, I think it's manageable, but to avoid jinxing myself here, I'm gonna go on the record and say that it's the most work I've done in my life.)  Honestly I've spent most of my time out of class working on assignments for class, and I'm someone who pretty much slept his way through college, so I'll let you draw your own conclusions about the law school workload.

Are there geniuses in the class who set the curve and make everyone else look dumb?

So far, no geniuses that I've seen.  And if someone starts to emerge in the next few weeks, I'll be sure to have them kidnapped and sent to a rival school.  I will say this:  everyone seems to have it together.  People come to class prepared, they participate voluntarily, they're organized.  This definitely isn't college, where 3 out of every 10 people read the assignments and actually show up.  Although, there are a few people in class who just seem to love the sound of their own voice.  They're the ones who raise their hand for EVERY question and, when called upon, answer it in their "serious" voice.  You gotta love 'em for their enthusiasm, but c'mon, this isn't Jeopardy.  It's OK if you don't know something.

So ... Baron, what exactly was going through your head when you decided to stab the Warriors organization and your fans in the back by bolting for the Clippers, you spineless turncoat?

Oops ... I accidentally included an entry from Chris Mullin's diary.  Sorry.

Why are law textbooks so friggin' expensive?!?!

Um, this is actually my question, and I'm including it here in the unlikely event that someone from the school bookstore stumbles across this website. 

To all parties involved in the law textbook industry:  YOU STINK!!!

I simply don't understand how their actions are legal.  I really don't.  $160 for a book about old court cases???  Really???  It's outrageous.  How it's possible that man can walk on the moon but can't get reasonably priced books into the hands of starving students is beyond me.  I spent $750 on books for this semester and actually walked out relieved that I hadn't spent more.  It's a sham and a shame.  End of discussion.

____________________

Well, I hope this has been as informative and entertaining for you as it has been for me.  I'm currently in the school library and writing this has kept me from beating myself over the head with my book on civil procedure.

Until next time, this is Sleepless Student for WNBC-GETMEOUTOFHERE, signing off.

The End Of An Era

So ... Friday was officially my last day at my job.  I had to resign because I'm not allowed to work at all throughout my first year of law school.  I suppose I could've asked to take a leave of absence instead to ensure that I have something to fall back on in case things don't go according to plan.  But seeing as though I really can't afford to fail here (I've already taken out over $20K in school loans), in the end I decided that the removal of all safety nets was, in fact, my best insurance for success.

What's interesting is that I made my decision based on the following story that I swear I heard from someone at some point:  Supposedly a general and his small army arrived by boat into enemy territory.  Significantly outnumbered, the soldiers feared for their lives and trembled at the thought of going into battle.  The general recognized their fear and consequently burned their boats during the night, leaving them with no escape.  The next day when the soldiers realized that they could no longer turn back, they united and fought harder than they had ever done because they knew failure was not an option.  They eventually defeated their enemy in spite of the odds against them.

Great story, right?  Well, keep in mind I'm not even sure where I heard this; maybe I just made it up.  So I'm either one smart dude or a giant idiot for resigning.  Only time will tell.

More importantly, all this means that I'm once again a starving student, which, if you'll recall from your own experience, totally sucks.  It's one thing to be one at age 18; it's another thing altogether at age 26.  Imagine how sad it will be when I go out and have to say things like "No, I won't be needing cheese on that cheeseburger, thank you," or "That's right, I said six dollars and thirty-eight cents on pump #2," or "What do you mean I'm too old to use a child's movie ticket?"  In the last three years I've grown accustomed to seeing a certain amount of money in my account every week, so not having that now will definitely be a bit of an adjustment.

It's hard to believe that it's already been three years since I started working in my office.  (Or is it more appropriate to say "ex-office" like one would say "ex-girlfriend?"  See, these are the types of deep, philosophical questions that keep me awake at night.)  I can't say that I'll miss the work (surprise, surprise).  But the people?  That's a different story.  I was the only one from my middle school to attend my high school, then the only one from my high school to attend my undergraduate college.  So although I can't exactly say leaving a group behind on my own is something new to me,  it's also not something I enjoy.

I met a lot of good people at my job, and -- if the world of Lawyerdom is truly as cutthroat as others claim -- there's a great possibility they will go down as the most sincere people I will ever call co-workers.  In a few short hours it'll be Monday morning again, and a part of me keeps thinking I'll forget I resigned and go in anyways.  But I guess that wouldn't be so bad, would it?

...

Eh, then again, I get to wake up whenever I want for the first Monday in a long time.

Who am I kidding?

Unemployment, here I come!

Easy Like Nap Time

Right before I stopped updating this website late last year, I had been sharing the ins and outs of my law school application process, and I think I left off shortly after my LSAT results came back.  Well, I'll get straight to the point and tell you that I finished my applications sometime this past January and eventually got an acceptance letter back from one of the schools on my list.  I didn't get one from every school on my list as I would've liked, but the main goal of the entire process was just to get in.  And I did, so I'm glad.

Classes begin in mid-August.  This means I only have a few weeks left before my weekly routine drastically changes.  It's also worth mentioning that everyone I know has been telling me for months now that law school is both cutthroat and horrible and that once it starts, all the fun in life will be suddenly and mercilessly sucked into a black hole.  But you know what?  My kindergarten teacher said the same things about first grade, so maybe it won't be so bad after all.  I mean, having to give up nap time was a pretty major transition, too.

Here's to law school being easy like nap time ... cheers.

Beyond Friday 2.0

Let's face it; lately I've paid about as much attention to maintaining this website as Amy Winehouse probably pays to her blood alcohol level, which is to say, none whatsoever.  The last entry I made dates back to November 2007 (ouch!), and what originally started out as a blog has basically deteriorated to an annual newsletter.  A lot has happened to me in the last year, but unfortunately (or fortunately if you were sick of hearing me whine about life anyway) most of my thoughts have stayed packed between my ears in this tiny brain of mine.  I've finally concluded that writing serves as a sort of self-therapy for me, so I'm resurrecting Beyond Friday.

However, if this isn't your first time here, you'll notice that the site looks different and that all my previous entries have been removed.  As I revisited the site last week, I realized that there was very little I liked about it.  The design, the writing, the direction -- all of it was one big *bleh*.  So I chose a new look, reorganized some things, and cleaned everything up.  I now present to you Beyond Friday 2.0, a sleeker, faster version of its predecessor ... and with only half the fat!  I also updated my About page, which you're free to check out if you want.

Anyhow, I look forward to being able to rant write again.  That's it for now.

~ Your New & Improved Beyond Friday Author ~